47 DAYS CLEAN
Just for today: I can look anyone in the eye without shame. I am grateful for the loving support that has made this possible..
Today, secure in the love of the fellowship, we can finally look another human being in the eye and be grateful for who we are.
Basic Text, p. 92
Hello and God Bless You.
Well today was the first day of my commitment as Secretary for my home group. At first I was a bit nervous, but after I got the flow everything went great. I don’t even know why I was nervous. I talk in my group just about everyday and I even did my 90 day panel last year, practically took up all the time I was so comfortable. Lol. Anyway I got over the initial fear and as usual everything went well.
So to fit right in with the Just For Today I am no longer ashamed to get up in front of people or to look people right in the eye. Today thanks to the fellowship of Narcotics Anonymous I am no longer ashamed of being a addict in recovery.
There was a time I hid my recovery because I was embarrassed that I was in NA, I was ashamed of the fact that I had a problem. Now I am not ashamed because I am getting the help that I need. I don’t care to a certain extent who knows it. Now I say to an extent because I know how society views us and I am not stupid. I’m not screaming it from rooftops and on the loud speaker at work. I know better than to think just because I’m getting better that everyone will be happy about it.
No, I am talking about the feeling of shame and guilt and low self worth that I felt deep down within. I am getting a lot better with dealing with me. I always wanted to do something to give back to the group that helps me to combat everything from loneliness to depression to welcoming me with open arms when I came back from relapse 1, 2 and 3. I am very grateful for the unconditional love that I receive from my home group. Had it not been like that, I would still be out there using. Thank you to God the 9 am Wake up and everyone in the rooms and online. YOU GUYS ROCK!
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