Just for today: I will take a deep breath and talk to my God whenever I feel frustrated. Sometimes when we pray, a remarkable thing happens: We find the means, ways, and energies to perform tasks far beyond our capacities. Basic Text, p. 46
Hello and God Bless.
Happy New Year to you and your family, may this year be very prosperous and all your dreams and aspirations come to pass.
Today I am feeling a bit depressed. I have been feeling like this all morning and it is because of my lack of confidence in myself. I have been beating myself up all morning and for no good reason. My addiction is playing me and I am not able to shake these feelings of unworthiness, uselessness and hopelessness off. I pray to God that he help me to forgive myself and to help me move past my feelings of uneasiness today.
I have plans of moving forward this year, to practice positive reinforcement and change my thinking patterns. I have to work harder on myself and stop doing just enough to get by. Its not enough to do just the bare minimum in my recovery. I have to start living the program and not just living. I feel myself slipping back into my old patterns and behaviors and that is going to cause me much pain if not corrected. I can’t seem to shake the feelings of doom that have come over me this morning. God grant me the strength.
The crazy thing is deep down inside I know I am a good person who just did some bad things while under the influence but why can’t I just forgive myself and get over it? I know that I can do anything I put my mind to but today I just feel like a failure and like I am not worthy of living a new, clean and productive life. I know that these are just feelings and they will pass, but I also know that I have to speak about this to others so I don’t keep them bottled up and then act off my negative feelings.
I have to renew my faith and pray even harder to God to guide me and to give me the strength and courage to face my demons head on and smash them to little bits and rid myself of my self doubt and feelings that I am not worthy, because I know I am. I
I am tired of feeling like this. I deserve better and screw what my addiction thinks. I will defeat you Kazoo. (my addictions name is Kazoo). It is time for you to get off my shoulder and take a back seat. I am moving on and moving on without you! I am strong, I am thankful, I am healthy, I am positive, I am worthy, I am successful, I am all these things and more. I will continue to tell myself these positive aspects all throughout the day and from here on out. Positive reinforcement is new to me but I will start to see the good in my life and not keep telling myself and dwelling on the bad things. Someone said to me today You would not let anyone else talk bad about you, so why would you let yourself do it. Damn skippy. I will not allow myself to keep talk negatively about myself.
So buck up. Its a new year and it is time to do new things. I am turning the page on this right now. I feel better already just by writing about it and sharing it with my 12 Step Planet Family. You guys rock. Thank you all for the support.
Today is a new day.
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Peace and Blessings.