PURPOSE


40 DAYS CLEAN

Just for today: I accept that my feelings of depression wont last forever. I will talk openly about my feelings with my sponsor or another person who understands.
We are no longer fighting fear, anger, guilt, self-pity, or depression.

Basic Text, p. 27

Hello and God Bless You.

Today I ask myself what is my purpose in life. Honestly I couldn’t even answer that question. I know what my purpose used to be. In the past my only purpose was to survive and use day to day. Today using is not in the equation but I am struggling to find my true purpose. There is a lot of confusion when I think about this because I never actually cared about it. Now that I have a little clean time I wonder about things. All sorts of things. Sometimes my mind wanders over so many things its like the noise of a using mind. I wonder about being able to stay clean, will things get better, what will my life be like now that I am not using? That’s just a few of the thoughts that circulate in my mind. It’s times like these that make it difficult to focus on what I really want out of life. I try to remember to stay in the here and now, take life 1 day at a time, but it can be difficult. I share this at meetings and I am going to talk with my sponsor about it today.  I do not want to overwhelm myself with these thoughts and then work up a imaginary fear knowing that fear is a dream killer. I think my addiction is once again trying to reek havoc and cause me to doubt myself so I will give up. I will not fall for that again.

So back to purpose. For now I will just say my purpose is to stay clean. I think that I shouldn’t be worrying about my purpose to much right now afterall I am only 40 days clean. I still have a long time ahead of me to figure out what my purpose in life will be. As a addict I always feel like I am not making progress and that starts a negative process which will eventually lead to relapse. So I am telling myself right now that I am making progress, and I am fulfilling my purpose in life just for today. Of course I have fear of failure and I still get depressed thinking about it but I am learning myself and how to push those negative thoughts out and push positive thoughts in.

Today I will not worry about my purpose in life and I will not fear failure. I am doing the best I can and that makes me a winner. God will help me find my purpose when the time is right so I will leave it up to God.

Thank you for reading today’s blog post.

As always feel free to comment below, join my blog or sign up for email notifications.

Peace and Blessings.

NAM

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