Just for today: I will place my trust in a Power greater than myself, for only that Power will never let me down. As we learn to trust this Power, we begin to overcome our fear of life. Basic Text, p. 25
Hello and God Bless you.
As we come to the end of yet another year, there is one thing that is different with this one. The difference is that this end of year I am clean. It has been a very very long time since I have not had a drink or a drug for the holidays. That’s not to say that I didn’t want to have a few drinks and lots of drugs but I didn’t use and I am grateful for that. I have just recently renewed my belief in a power greater than myself. To be more specific I have a belief in God. I remember when I was younger I never had much belief in God, and I hated going to church and Sunday school. As time went on and my problems multiplied by the thousands I really lost faith. Now that I am clean I believe simply because the life I was living there is no way I remained alive on my own. There had to be some kind of divine intervention. With that knowledge I have come to believe that someone or something great enough to be able to protect me from myself exist. I have some knowledge of the Bible and read it occasionally but I am not an expert on the word of God. As with all new things it will take some time to get a full understanding but for now I choose to pray and trust in God. Prayer is a lot easier than trust but I am beginning to develop the trust and faith that I need. Now some people might think I am crazy when I say this and that is why I love the rooms so much, because no matter what you say people can relate. Since the noise in my head has been slowly quieting down there are times when I believe I can actually hear God answering some of my thoughts and questions. It doesn’t matter to me whether people believe that or not because I BELIEVE IT!
I thank God for saving my life, for guiding me to the rooms of NA, for helping me find a sponsor with knowledge and patience.I humbly ask him to remove my character defects (of which I have plenty) and to give me knowledge of his will for me, the power and courage to carry it out, for the power to get out of my own way and begin to live the life he has planned for me. It is not easy but it is something that must be done. I will practice this new way of life and try my hardest to be consistent. I know that I tend to waver after a little while that is why I pray for consistency. I pray for the power because I can also at times not put my all into something and do just enough to get by. I don’t want that in my recovery I want to put in 100% so I can stop being the loser, the failure, the worthless piece of you know what that I been feeling like for so long. I also ask God to give me the strength to forgive myself and others and to forget the past or at least to let it go. I have been harboring old feelings for too damn long and I know that it’s been stunting my growth. I feel it is time to move on, to turn the page on this chapter.
So my practice for today is trusting in my Higher Power God.
Thank you for reading today’s blog post.
As always feel free to comment below, join my blog or sign up for email notifications.
Peace and Blessings.