Just for today: I have been given much in my recovery, and I am deeply grateful for it. I will take joy in being able to share it with others as freely as it was shared with me.
Hello and God Bless You
I have been doing some personal inventory lately and I have come to the conclusion that I am a very angry person. Why? I am searching for the answer to that. But I have an idea. I have been noticing lately that every little thing pisses me off. I was on the train this morning on my way to a meeting and wham it hits me. First the train is crowded but then we get delayed. Now this lady in front of me ( I am sitting down and she is standing up) starts to play bang my knee’s with her fucking bag. I wanted to stand up and slap the shit out of her. I thought about it and dismissed it. Then here comes a superhero..lol this guy wants to stand in the middle of the train without holding on so he can read his paper. Well needless to say that didn’t work out very well so he’s bouncing around the car bumping people and knocking people into me..Again KAAPOW crosses my mind. The thing is this has been going on for a couple of days now. I know one reason is because I am not sleeping well, another is withdrawl from not using. Also the fact is I have not been the most positive person in the world for the last 35 years of my life. Negativity has been breeding and festering in my life for quite some time and I have to admit that at times it does get out of hand. I am used to getting my way, not having people hovering over me let alone anywhere near me. I usually make this face I call the ICEGRILL and people tend to scatter. Oh boy angry black man watch out. I know its horrible but it usually works.Today was different nowhere for them to go..SMH. I had to say the Serenity Prayer a couple of times for the strength to accept the things I cannot change. It worked too.
Also since I am sort of on the subject. My dreams are starting to get on my nerves too. When I am able to fall asleep my dreams always end the same way. They start off happy and they end up in disaster. They start off good and always wind up being negative. I don’t know how to interpret dreams but I wish I did.
Sometimes my dreams are so negative I wake up, now I am not just talking about dreams of using. I’m talking death, betrayal and all kinds of other negative stuff. I swear it is really gonna take a miracle to fix my fucked up thinking. Pray for me. Speaking of praying, I do on a regular basis. I am developing a relationship with God. I have faith that all will work out and God will help me defeat my enemy. I pray several times a day and throughout the night. I know that God will see me through this. I thank God for everything in my life today. It wasn’t like that for a long time. Well that’s the thoughts and feelings for today. Thank you for reading today’s blog post. As always feel free to comment below, join my blog or sign up for email notifications. Peace and Blessings. NAM