H.O.W.


24 DAYS CLEAN

Just for today: I am grateful for my decision to become a member of Narcotics Anonymous.

Hello, Welcome and God Bless.

I have been in and out of the rooms of NA since January. That’s not to say that I never been to a meeting before it just I have become serious about getting clean this year. I have relapsed 3 times since I came through the doors and it has been a struggle to say the least. I have read and heard that the only requirement is the desire to stay clean. I have that desire and that is why I kept coming back and am still here. I consider myself a member of Narcotics Anonymous.

The basic text says there are 3 spiritual principles that are indispensable Honesty, Open mindedness and Willingness. Today I am talking about the HOW in my life.

Honesty

For me honesty is a bit difficult. Using drugs for the majority of my life I have become accustomed to being a liar, cheat, thief and a  manipulator among other things. I honestly admit that my life is unmanageable, I admit that I am an addict and that I am powerless over my addiction and other areas of my life. I can admit that I am scared of change, the thought of never using again terrifies me. I can admit that my thinking and my way of life did  not work. So why the HELL do I still try to do things my way?

My subconscious thinking has yet to succumb to the idea of honesty and I catch myself at times being negative and dishonest. I try my best to stay on top of it but at times when I least expect it BAM it creeps up and out. I know that I am at the bottom of the hill on a long hard journey upwards and I am just learning to live this new way of life. Like I said change is scary and its hard. I will try harder and I will continue to pray for assistance from God for help in this area.

Open Mindedness & Willingness

I believe that I am pretty open minded when it comes to changing my life. Afterall my way does not work. I know this. I take suggestions (although I still need to learn to listen to the message and not want to kill the messenger) I read my basic text, I make phone calls and of course I make meetings. I try to make a meeting a day but unfortunately my schedule doesn’t allow for meetings on Sunday and sometime schedule changes keep me away from a weekday meeting. I think I am still doing fairly well on this because when I can’t make a meeting I use my other tools and I am always logged in to my online recovery communities. So I am willing to do what it takes to stay clean. Willingness and open mindedness have been the easier part because I sincerely want to change my life. I will not continue to live in the misery caused by my addiction.

Sometimes I think I am just too hard on myself but I have to be, because I know what happens when there are holes in my program. I relapse. I do not wish to be counting days for the rest of my life. If I’m lucky enough to survive.

So just for today. I Pray Hard, I Go Hard. I want to live a simi normal life.

Thank you for reading today’s blog post.

As always feel free to comment below, sign up for email updates, or join my group.

Enjoy your day

PEACE AND BLESSING

NAM

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s