Just for today: When I am afraid of a change in my life, I will take comfort from knowing that Gods will for me is good.
I hope that everyone is having a wonderful day. I thank God for waking me up this fine Monday. I am truly grateful to be alive and clean today and able to see, walk, breathe on my own and a whole lot of other things. I have to remember to be grateful and stop complaining about things that I have no control over.
I guess you already know what I am going to share about today don’t you..Yep Gratitude. I have to admit that gratitude is kind of a new concept for me. Being and addict for so long and always self absorbed I never really took the time to be grateful for anything. I always felt like I deserved all that I had, all that you had and anything else. I was never one to be satisfied with what I had, I always wanted more and the more I got the more I wanted. I guess that is why I was among other things a thief. Selfish in every sense of the word, I never appreciated the things that I had. Even as a kid I can remember breaking toys and just being ungrateful for some of the things that I owned.
I carried that same attitude into my adult life, not taking care of the things I had and always wanting what others had. Eventually my need to have what you had landed me in more trouble than I cared to get into. That uncontrollable urge to touch things that did not belong to me got me arrested several times. If I had only been satisfied with what I had I wouldn’t have had the need to take things that didn’t belong to me and would never have went to prison at least not for theft.
Now I am learning to be grateful for what I have because there are people who are really suffering and who really do not have anything. I complain when my water is not hot, there are people who do not have running water or clean water to drink. I complain about my job, there are people who are not working because they lost their jobs for one reason or another. I complain, complain, complain not thinking about how fortunate I really am.
So today I am trying to practice being grateful about everything.
You see I was watching Dr.Oz the other day and the show was about..should people have the right to die when they want to. It was a powerful episode because I was forced to think with a clear head. .Awesome feeling by the way! So there was a lady who had come down with a disease that slowly took away use of her muscles and eventually she became paralyzed. She spoke of how she cannot do anything on her own except breathe and it gets harder and harder for her to want to live, she doesn’t want to be a burden on her family and she is just tired. To make a long story short. I was moved to tears. I just couldn’t believe how I had been acting all my life and there are people living with all kinds of disabilities. It really opened my eyes. (After I finished crying like a baby)
It is truly amazing the changes I am noticing. It’s like I am turning into a new person and I am growing everyday. If I would have saw that show last year I would not have given it a second thought. I am grateful today for my life, not even a year ago I didn’t want to live anymore. I am grateful for the people I have met in and out of the rooms of NA, on ITR and on12 Step Planet, a year ago I didn’t want to have anything to do with people. I want to help people today, a year ago I would only help you lose your money or drugs. God is great. I love God today, a year ago I had no faith whatsoever.
I am blessed beyond anything I could ever imagine or really describe. Life is good and it continues to get better one day at a time. Today I am grateful that I can feel, and that I am able to be compassionate no longer being a cold non caring individual is gratifying in itself. I have recovery and everyone I am connected to in recovery to thank for my new found growth. I believe that life does get better because I am beginning to experience it first hand.
Thank you for reading today’s blog post.
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PEACE AND BLESSING