Hello to all.
Today I would like to express this unusual feeling of calm that I am experiencing. I don’t know what it is but today the noise in my head just seems to be less noisy. I have been having a lot of ups and downs this past couple of weeks but today is different. Today I can actually think for minutes at a time without interruption. I know the saying don’t look a gift horse in the mouth??or something like that. I know that I should be thankful and don’t get me wrong I am. I’m happy that the noise is somewhat calmer today than it usually is, but I am not going to let my guard down. My addiction is very very very sneaky (I’m sure everyone else feels the same). Every time I think that something is over or that I am better my addiction lets me know that it is still there and ain’t going nowhere..lol..So you can see why this has me a little concerned.
It’s been a long time since I have felt this. Honestly it’s a little scary..But change is scary too. Actually recovery period is scary. I have to get used to a whole new way of life. As you know from my past post I have been using a variety of drugs for over 35 years. Started with alcohol, weed, coke and a host of others. Now that I cannot do that anymore, my body is like “HEY MAN WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON” “WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO US”. Crazy right Lmao but it’s like I can almost hear this..actually I can hear this at times when my addiction talks to me. It can manifest itself in so many ways that its hard to keep up sometimes. That’s why I am so grateful to my higher power God, and NA and my home group, network and friends in recovery because they know what I am going through. I can say things like I hear voices and they won’t be ready to have me committed..Imagine if you will.. me at my job and I say to a coworker “you know I hear voices that tell me it’s ok to use drugs or its ok to do just one” They would be ready to call the police..LOL. But you guys know what I am talking about and that’s the beauty of the fellowship. 1 addict helping another is without parallel. I love it.
So like I was saying before I got off track, I am very calm and serene today and I am grateful for it. I am a learning to deal with a host of new feelings today. Well I guess they are not new, I felt them before but today it is different because I am learning how to identify them and deal with them accordingly. I am still in the learning stages and I will always be in the learning stages but..knowing how to identify and deal instead of running from the feeling and medicating is a wonderful feeling in itself. I could not do any of this without the guidance of my higher power God, my sponsor and all of you in recovery that help me tremendously on a daily basis. Thanks to you I know how to tell on my disease when it starts to kick and scratch. I have learned that talking to someone helps me to get outside of my own head. So while my head is calm I am writing my blog post for today.
With that being said..
I would like to thank you all for reading today post.
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Have a safe, healthy and blessed weekend.
I will talk to you again tomorrow..
PEACE AND BLESSING