17 DAYS CLEAN
Just for today: In my desire for romance, I will not ignore my recovery.
Loneliness is a feeling I know all too well. I have been lonely for a long time. I don’t like being alone, it’s just the result of my years of using. For almost as long as I have been using I have been alone. As I have found out through experience as a addict isolation is what I do best. I used to think that I preferred to be alone. Then it became the normal using and hiding out. Then the paranoia set in and it was the only way. I could not stand to be around people anymore.
I cut myself off from everyone. Total selfcenteredness is now in full swing. I stopped communicating with my family and friends. I didn’t realize the damage I was causing. The strain I put on everyone and on myself. The only friends I had were my drugs. I didn’t care about anything or anyone. I was in a lot of pain and caused even more pain for my family. I just used and used until I forgot about the pain or just didn’t care anymore. My drug use caused me to stop talking to my family all together. I have some contact with my mother and little brother but other than that I do not communicate with any other family members.
When I was a kid I used to think I would grow up get married and have a family. Unfortunately drugs killed those and many of my other dreams. Hope and faith have never been a part of my thinking patterns only dispair and destruction.
Now that I am clean I am starting to feel the pain and it is not comfortable. I have cried on many occasions when I think of how lonely I am right now, but I pray on it and I know in due time things will get better.
Thank you for reading today’s blog post.
Peace and Blessings