Well I am happy to say that I have been clean now for 1 whole week. It is a good feeling I must admit. I know that it is Gods will for me to live a better life and with the help of NA, my home group and all of you guys out there in recovery I now believe it is possible. I thank you all. Your struggles equal my struggles.
I have to say that yesterday didn’t go by so easy though. I had a lot of cravings and last night the drug dreams were there too. I haven’t been sleeping good the past week and I am very tired but I know that is because of withdrawls from using. I know the cravings too shall pass as long as I don’t pick up. You guys taught me that in the rooms. Well I’m at work so I will be posting off and on throughout the day as usual.
I’m outside taking a break so I figured I check in. Nothing going on though. Work is great as always. The crew that I work with are the funniest guys on the planet. We crack jokes on each other all day long. Lmao. It makes the day go by so much faster.
I m feeling really good, no cravings, no dreams. So its a win win so far today. Ttyl.
Now that all my co-workers are gone, I can post freely on my office computer. When the guys are here I use my cellphone outside because first and foremost they are not in recovery and my business is just that. I do not talk to them about it. They have no clue about my personal demons and I prefer to keep it that way. It’s 8pm here in NY and I am ready to go home. I am tired I need some sleep. I look like hell with bags under my eyes (I’ve always had bags they just look more puffy today..lol) As I stated earlier I haven’t been sleeping good lately hopefully I will go right to bed when I get home. I wish I could take a nap right now though…lol

I am at peace for a minute. I am learning to get out of my own way and let go and let God do the driving. It is comforting to know that I don’t have to have all the answers and that I am not always right. Doing service yesterday opened my eyes to the fact that I need to do more service. I have to find an outlet to help others so I can in turn help myself.

Thank God for another day clean, for getting me home safe and for everything he continues to do for me. I am truly grateful today. Good night and God bless.


I just want to say that this week was really great. I was worried that because I just came back from a relapse (my new clean date is November 19, 2011)that I would not be able to stay clean for Thanksgiving. I was off from work on Tues, Wed and Thurs. and really didn’t think I could do it. I wanted to stay clean but doubted myself do to past history. Well first and foremost I have to say that my higher power GOD had a different plan, by doing his will and not mines I made meetings all day Tuesday and Wednesday by going all over the city and thanks to NA Thursday was the Gratitude marathon so I was able to stay in one spot and have meetings all day. I have to share my gratitude for the fellowship. I finally have the belief in God and in myself. I am becoming much more spiritual as each day goes by. I have a new outlook and truly believe that I can do this. I am telling myself positive things instead of talking negative and I am not allowing any negative thoughts to control my actions.

I am about to get off from work and I just finished talking to my sponsor and another recovering addict. I had to call someone because this is Friday and its a normal get high day. I am not feeling like getting high, but in past experience it can pop up on me in a split second. I am keeping track of my feelings and am becoming more aware of attitudes an behaviors. I am making notes on triggers that I already know and new ones when they appear. And believe me after using for 30+ years they appear out of thin air. I am using the tools more than ever and using the phone is something that I wouldn’t do before so I am breaking old patterns as well. I am learning myself and how to survive one day at a time. I will keep you posted everyday because that is what I use this for. This is also a tool for recovery for me.

I Just wanted to share that today. Thanks for letting me share.