A quick update about my new journey. I was successful at not using again yesterday. I had a great day. I am practicing my new good habits and so far everything is working fine. I listen to my positive podcast for reinforcement when I start to falter. None of this would be possible if not for the love of my higher power which I choose to call God.
I thank God for waking me up this morning and for guiding my step and thoughts. Also for giving me the strength and courage to continue in my journey. I am truly grateful for everything I have. I would not be here if not for the love of God, because he loves me unconditionally especially when I am unable to love myself.
I KNEW IT
As I mentioned yesterday my cell phone was cut off this morning. I knew it was going to happen but I still feel disappointed because I could have avoided it but chose to use instead. Now I have to call them and see if they will give me an extension until Wednesday. Now I have to humble myself. When in reality all I had to do is pay the damn bill when I had the money, Instead I called and made payment agreements 3 weeks straight. I did what I did because I was caught in the grips of my addiction and didn’t care. Now that things are a little different I’m mad at my cell carrier..Insane ain’t it. I will keep you posted.
Well I called and got a payment extension so that worked out. I cannot afford to be without my phone. No more playing around I have to make sure I pay my Damn bills.
TIME TO PUT IN WORK
I am going to make the 6:30 meeting tonight after work, its long overdue. I need to share. I have a lot on my mind. Hey meeting makers make it right. I’m actually excited.
Just when my day was going so well my attitude kicks in. Out of nowhere we got swamped with jobs and this new guy is moving slow and standing around doing nothing. I got really agitated and started bossing his ass around. My temper was flaring and I took it out on him. Oh boy. I gotta be careful because that’s a sign. I know that one well.
Well I made it. I’m here early. I feel funny being here again instead of still. But just like urges its just a feeling and it will pass. This time when I work the steps and stick around I won’t feel funny anymore. I will do what is necessary to maintain my clean time. Whatever it takes, I have to do it because I will die if I don’t. I’m an addict and I admit that. I will take it one day at a time and learn who I am and forgive myself for my past. The past is past and I must learn to leave it there. Today’s topic was humility. I shared that I don’t really know much about it, I also talked about how I never grew up, that I started so young and ran for so many years that I never learned how to live or to deal with my feelings. I took notes and shared that I will start to take them internally, and analyze what I am reading and writing. Lord help me.
Home Sweet Home.
Well I’m home from my meeting. I want to thank God for guiding me in my journey today and keeping me safe and drug free another day. Good night. Until tomorrow. Peace be with you.