I’m up and getting ready to go to a meeting. I’m having trouble sleeping the last couple of days. I know it’s because I am not using and it shall pass. I feel great, but also scared but I am strong and I will get thru this.
I had a very good meeting today. The speaker touched on a lot of good points and I made a lot of connections. I like the way he came across and touched on things. A couple of things stood out.
1. How he refered to his addiction. He called the voices Kazoo. I have to use that one. Yea its ok to do just one dumb dumb..lol priceless.
2. I like when he said that he lets his higher power do the thinking because of how fucked up his thinking is. Thats me I can’t think for myself because when I do shit always gets out of control quick. Like how I always listen to Kazoo. Yeah he’s talking to me. I was that dumb dumb for a long time.
He spoke about a lot of things that made me nod my head in agreement. Like when he said to get numbers and use them. (Something that I MUST get better with) He said even if you just call to say Hi.. I like that. I have to get used to using the phone again. I like the way he spoke and got his number after the meeting. I actually got 2 new numbers today. But they are useless if I don’t call when I need help. I’m good for not calling and isolating myself then feeling sorry and pitiful after the fact..SMH. Over all the meeting was great. I got with my sponsor and I gave him my work that I have been doing on the steps so he can read it and we can discuss it at a later date. I am ready to do this man. I will not let Kazoo run my life any longer.
I went to the library to kill time. Now I’m at my second meeting the 1 oclock on the eastside. Meeting makers make it so here I go. The meeting was a good one. I heard things that I was able to make connections. I got to share and I was happy about that. I spoke about my addiction (Kazoo) and the lies he’s been telling me that keep me out there. Believing that bullshit almost killed me. It felt good to speak. I love NA. Now I’m in my way to the 3 oclock meeting Recovery off the Wall.
Today has been a marathon of meetings for me. I’m at the 3 oclock meeting now waiting for it to start. Today is a good day.
The topic of this meeting was self acceptance. I can relate because ever since I can remember I always wanted to be anyone else but me. I never liked who I was. I never fit in so I pretended to be everyone else. Even now I don’t know who I really am, and when ever I find out something new its uncomfortable. I tend to run away and use. That stops now. I will learn all I can and learn to accept me for who I am.
Well I’m off to another meeting. Tell you about this one when I get there. Well this meeting topic was from just for today. We talked about creating a solid foundation and how important that is in order to maintain a solid recovery. Good topic good meeting.
Well I really got my recovery on today. I’ve been out making meetings all day now its time to go home.
Well I made it home. I thank God for another day clean. I love God and all the things he has done in my life. Good night.