DAY FOUR

Good morning
I’m up and getting ready to go to a meeting. I’m having trouble sleeping the last couple of days. I know it’s because I am not using and it shall pass. I feel great, but also scared but I am strong and I will get thru this.

Home Group

I had a very good meeting today. The speaker touched on a lot of good points and I made a lot of connections. I like the way he came across and touched on things. A couple of things stood out.

1. How he refered to his addiction. He called the voices Kazoo. I have to use that one. Yea its ok to do just one dumb dumb..lol priceless.

2. I like when he said that he lets his higher power do the thinking because of how fucked up his thinking is. Thats me I can’t think for myself because when I do shit always gets out of control quick. Like how I always listen to Kazoo. Yeah he’s talking to me. I was that dumb dumb for a long time.

He spoke about a lot of things that made me nod my head in agreement. Like when he said to get numbers and use them. (Something that I MUST get better with) He said even if you just call to say Hi.. I like that. I have to get used to using the phone again. I like the way he spoke and got his number after the meeting. I actually got 2 new numbers today. But they are useless if I don’t call when I need help. I’m good for not calling and isolating myself then feeling sorry and pitiful after the fact..SMH. Over all the meeting was great. I got with my sponsor and I gave him my work that I have been doing on the steps so he can read it and we can discuss it at a later date. I am ready to do this man. I will not let Kazoo run my life any longer.

I went to the library to kill time. Now I’m at my second meeting the 1 oclock on the eastside. Meeting makers make it so here I go. The meeting was a good one. I heard things that I was able to make connections. I got to share and I was happy about that. I spoke about my addiction (Kazoo) and the lies he’s been telling me that keep me out there. Believing that bullshit almost killed me. It felt good to speak. I love NA. Now I’m in my way to the 3 oclock meeting Recovery off the Wall.

MARATHON

Today has been a marathon of meetings for me. I’m at the 3 oclock meeting now waiting for it to start. Today is a good day.
The topic of this meeting was self acceptance. I can relate because ever since I can remember I always wanted to be anyone else but me. I never liked who I was. I never fit in so I pretended to be everyone else. Even now I don’t know who I really am, and when ever I find out something new its uncomfortable. I tend to run away and use. That stops now. I will learn all I can and learn to accept me for who I am.

Well I’m off to another meeting. Tell you about this one when I get there. Well this meeting topic was from just for today. We talked about creating a solid foundation and how important that is in order to maintain a solid recovery. Good topic good meeting.

Well I really got my recovery on today. I’ve been out making meetings all day now its time to go home.

Well I made it home. I thank God for another day clean. I love God and all the things he has done in my life. Good night.

DAY THREE

Good morning,

A quick update about my new journey. I was successful at not using again yesterday. I had a great day. I am practicing my new good habits and so far everything is working fine. I listen to my positive podcast for reinforcement when I start to falter. None of this would be possible if not for the love of my higher power which I choose to call God.

PRAISE
I thank God for waking me up this morning and for guiding my step and thoughts. Also for giving me the strength and courage to continue in my journey. I am truly grateful for everything I have. I would not be here if not for the love of God, because he loves me unconditionally especially when I am unable to love myself.

I KNEW IT
As I mentioned yesterday my cell phone was cut off this morning. I knew it was going to happen but I still feel disappointed because I could have avoided it but chose to use instead. Now I have to call them and see if they will give me an extension until Wednesday. Now I have to humble myself. When in reality all I had to do is pay the damn bill when I had the money, Instead I called and made payment agreements 3 weeks straight. I did what I did because I was caught in the grips of my addiction and didn’t care. Now that things are a little different I’m mad at my cell carrier..Insane ain’t it. I will keep you posted.

EXTENSION
Well I called and got a payment extension so that worked out. I cannot afford to be without my phone. No more playing around I have to make sure I pay my Damn bills.

TIME TO PUT IN WORK
I am going to make the 6:30 meeting tonight after work, its long overdue. I need to share. I have a lot on my mind. Hey meeting makers make it right. I’m actually excited.

Attitude
Just when my day was going so well my attitude kicks in. Out of nowhere we got swamped with jobs and this new guy is moving slow and standing around doing nothing. I got really agitated and started bossing his ass around. My temper was flaring and I took it out on him. Oh boy. I gotta be careful because that’s a sign. I know that one well.

NA
Well I made it. I’m here early. I feel funny being here again instead of still. But just like urges its just a feeling and it will pass. This time when I work the steps and stick around I won’t feel funny anymore. I will do what is necessary to maintain my clean time. Whatever it takes, I have to do it because I will die if I don’t. I’m an addict and I admit that. I will take it one day at a time and learn who I am and forgive myself for my past. The past is past and I must learn to leave it there. Today’s topic was humility. I shared that I don’t really know much about it, I also talked about how I never grew up, that I started so young and ran for so many years that I never learned how to live or to deal with my feelings. I took notes and shared that I will start to take them internally, and analyze what I am reading and writing. Lord help me.

Home Sweet Home.
Well I’m home from my meeting. I want to thank God for guiding me in my journey today and keeping me safe and drug free another day. Good night. Until tomorrow. Peace be with you.